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Monday, August 24

"Reasons Why Your Toddler Pushes You Away"

I have experienced this that my son pushes me away or when I'm carrying him, he would push away himself from me. Since our toddlers wasn't able to talk much, their way of communicating are simply more on sign language and actions. So here are some reasons why our toddlers pushes us away and also how to respond during this moods, from babycenter.com.


He's had a bad day.
Just like grown-ups, kids have days when all they want to do is crawl under a rock and stay there. He doesn't want your hugs or cuddles to make him feel better.

How to respond: Respect his desire for distance but let him know that you're there if he wants your help.

He's recovering from a tantrum.
If he pushes you away right after you've disciplined him with a time-out or by taking away something he wanted, it's common sense: His feelings have been hurt and he wants you to know it. Or maybe he's just tired — screaming and collapsing on the floor in misery can take a lot out of a person.

How to respond: First, accept that he's entitled to feel disappointed. Think about how you feel after a fight with your spouse or best friend — you probably need some time before you're ready to make up. Your toddler is no different.

He's upset with you and doesn't know how to say it.
Toddlers' emotional lives are complex — they can express their feelings but can't yet explain them. Maybe you've been away on a business trip and he missed you but is angry that you were gone. Or perhaps he's upset that you've spent most of the day with your new baby. Whatever the situation may be, his feelings overwhelm him but he doesn't know how to let you know what's going on.

How to respond: If you suspect that there's an underlying reason for your child's rejection, talk to him. Ask him questions in a gentle manner — "Are you feeling like I don't spend enough time with you?" — and accept his responses without judgment.

He may be going through an "independent" phase.
At age 1 your child may have seemed glued to your lap. As he gets older he may refuse to even let you near his block tower. This could be because he needs you less, because he's testing you to see if you'll be steadfast in your love if he tries pushing you away, or simply because he's going through a busy stage where his focus is elsewhere (and you're just interrupting his learning time with your requests for kisses).

How to respond: Try not to take his rebuffs too seriously. He still loves you but may not need your hugs and kisses as much right now. If it seems like you're bothering him when he's hard at work, save your hugs and kisses for bedtime or when he's not so occupied. As long as he's sure you adore him, he'll know where to find you when he's in a cuddly mood.

How to respond: It's normal for kids to go through phases of clinginess or rejection with each parent, especially if one of you is working outside the home full-time. But if you think your child's change in attitude means something more significant, look at your and your partner's behavior. Do either of you somehow encourage this favoritism?

It could be that without realizing it, you're acting annoyed every time your husband comes home or you're suddenly lavishing your son with affection. Does your husband expect your child to run to him with open arms, when it's really more your toddler's style to warm up slowly?

He may not be the touchy-feely type.
Even if you're very affectionate, your child is his own person and may not have inherited this trait.

How to respond: If your toddler seems distant, you may have to simply accept him for who he is. Instead of acting hurt, let your child lead the way when it comes to affection. Chances are that even if he has a more self-reliant temperament, he'll still need a hug or a kiss once in a while — when he's upset or scared, for instance.

He isn't feeling well.
Your normally cuddly toddler is suddenly impatient and testy, pushing you away when you expect him to embrace you.

How to respond: If it's a really striking shift, consider a check-up at the pediatrician's office. It could be a physical issue, such as a newly developed allergy or some other illness.

He's experiencing real anger or distress — and acting out inappropriately.
Some toddlers can occasionally cross the line, and their rejection becomes physically violent (pushing, hitting, or biting, for example).

How to respond: Even if it isn't especially painful, it's important to take a very definite stand against any sort of violent outburst. For a toddler, this means setting a clear and simple consequence: "No. Mommy doesn't like that. If you do that, I'll have to put you down / take you home / take it away." Then make sure to follow through.


So these are the reasons and I hope that it could help, especially to Dads who always at work.














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